For my whole mid-30s years I have been not one which society deems as “acceptable” in the bod-department. And let’s be real, most of us have spent the majority of our lives being told we need to look a certain way to be “acceptable”.

I’m a millennial, I grew up in the heroin-chic, Next Top Model era, being teased by boys and girls alike for being ‘fat’, always seeing my peers on crash diets, trying to go on these diets myself. Where Bridget Jones was fat. What the hell, right??? Shit the 90’s and 00’s have a lot to answer for, huh?

Most days are still a struggle. It’s a lot of trauma, I’m not going to lie to you about that.

But I think that’s why people like seeing me. Because it’s real. Because I am real.

I will laugh with you. I will cry with you. Honestly I will swear a lot - my vocab isn’t as capacious as it should be. But all this trauma, no matter where you are on your journey, I’m here to help you heal from that.

Every journey I am part of, every person I see forgive themselves, even just a little - well, it heals me too.

“Terrified. Nervous. Scared.”

Always the words people say when they see me on the morning of the shoot.

“But EXCITED.”

are always the words said after.

And at the reveal?

“oh my god, is that really me?!”

Why do I do this? Well … wouldn’t you want to facilitate this journey for women? I feel so strongly about helping women see themselves and value themselves for who they are. A fucking piece of ART for THEIR gaze. Even if the shoot is a gift for your cis-male partner, you will come out of this shoot feeling liberated about yourself. Having left some beliefs about yourself at the door.

One of the most impactful clients I had was N. She was a young sex worker and we were having a really relaxed and fun time, playing with a projector, different outfits … she was telling me she wanted to get some prints huge above her bed for HER, before she had even seen them! And she did - I got it printed for the studio too as it’s just so awesome.

But something happened halfway through. I said to N, I was just going to grab the mirror. While she sat on the lounge-chair, I placed it in front of her and I noticed she just tensed up big time. After a minute or so I suggested taking it away and she nodded. She was starting to tear up. I said hey, let’s take a break.

So we sat together.

Now I am a massive crier.

Those 5 min Pixar movies at the start of the feature? Sobbing. King Theoden’s speech as the sun rises over the Pelennor fields? Sobbing. Someone else starts crying? Yup I am done for.

N starts to tell me that she was feeling really confronted with the mirror. I said that it was ok, we can take as long as a break as she needs, it can be confronting. And we don’t need to bring it out again. She that she was really confused in why she was feeling this way. But she had an epiphany talking all this aloud with me. That epiphany was that in her job as a sex worker, she had complete control. And right now, in this moment, she felt naturally in her element of being sexy, and she was not in control. And it was a lot. And she just needed to release that.

She ended up buying like 10 extra photos and getting an A1 print. At the end of the day she told that she’s done a lot of therapy in her life and

this shoot for her was more impactful for her than therapy has been.

Now, not to discredit therapists or say you shouldn’t get therapy or that this a replacement!!!! Just that that really stuck with me.